He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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