Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
