Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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