Tell her she can't have a vagina
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
