people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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