I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
