just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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