So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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