Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
