What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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