I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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