Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
