After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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