New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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