Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
