He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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