Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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