I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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