Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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