I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
