What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
