Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
