I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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