wanna go halves on a baby?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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