Me too!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
