How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
