his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
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Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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