Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
