so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
