walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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