There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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