took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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