He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
