fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
