I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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