dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
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