umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
