dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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