I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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