You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
