worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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