her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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