I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
