I want to make a zoo with you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
