He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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