ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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