You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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