Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
