She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize