Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
