dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
