He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
