You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
