I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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