as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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