Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We need to get me chipped asap
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