is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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