How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
