she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
