no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
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returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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