Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
