well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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