1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
