he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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