my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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