I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
