I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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