I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
