4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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