Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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