I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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