Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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